Sunday, June 8, 2008

Highland Fling by Tess Mallory

Book Description:
Chelsea Brown had never had much luck with men until she bumped heads with Griffin Campbell-a Highlander who set her head spinning and her heart racing. Visiting the wilds of Scotland, the Texan scientist had expected a different breed of man, but Griffin proved to be in a category all his own. First he kissed her senseless, then he destroyed the television, gallantly vowing to protect her from the miniature barbarians in the box. Breathless with confusion-or was it desire?-Chelsea found herself wrapped not only in his arms, but in the past. Transported to a place where the Scottish warrior's very life depended on her, the once shy Chelsea knew she would face any challenge to rescue the powerful clan leader. For it was his desire that transformed her timidity to bravery, his passion that convinced her their romance was no Highland fling, but a timeless love.

I read a lot of romances, but this one was just ridiculous! It began as a Scottish highlander romance time travel story, with the hero, Griffin, traveling from 1602 Scotland to present day Scotland. Then, once he's in present day it spirals down and becomes a modern day Texas romance, and then it spins off to become a 1880's Texas cowboy romance! Sheesh! I was so happy to finish this book! It was just so stupid! Here I thought it was going to be a time travel romance in the Scottish highlands and it was anything but! I felt like the description of this book was misleading at best, not to mention a very misleading book cover!

Probably one of the reasons why I wasn't into this book was because it was the 2nd in a series, and I hadn't read the first. But, they fill you in so much on the first, it doesn't matter (I'm glad I didn't read that one!) This story centers around poor Griffin Campbell, soon to be wed and laird of the Campbells in 1602. But he has a deep dark secret... he cannot kiss a woman without throwing up right afterwards! Mind boggling!

As you can imagine, there wasn't much hanky panky in this book until the end because everytime poor, poor confused time traveling Griffin kissed Chelsea - he'd throw up! It got pretty disgusting - he was throwing up everywhere! On airplanes, in bushes, in creeks, on some poor old lady! God - this book was a killer! What was even worse, after throwing up on the airplane due to air sickness, he kisses Chelsea afterwards without even rinsing his mouth - yecch! She liked it too - but then he threw up on the old lady! LOL! It was laughable! I can't say this was a sexy hero, no matter how good looking he was (except for the obligatory scene of him bare assed in cowboy chaps with nothing on underneath that I saw coming from a mile away.)

Once in modern day Texas (they flew there from Scotland) Griffin has to adjust to modern technology and cowboy boots and jeans, and the snickers and stares he gets by everyone who's never seen a girlie kilt on a man before (ahem, this is supposed to be 2003 - I'm sure some Texans in Austin have seen this sort of thing before somewhere - haven't any of these cowboys seen Braveheart??) Then, Griffin and Chelsea wind up time traveling to 1882 Texas and matters only get worse for Griffin is promptly put in jail - and lo and behold his long lost cousin from Scotland is in the adjoining cell! (He had time traveled 5 years earlier.) Can this plot get more convoluted? Chelsea gets to masquerade as a dance hall girl in a saloon and wear black garters and corsets and feel pretty for once - even though she really is pretty, but she has this annoying inferiority complex that she isn't pretty. (I can't stand this trait in romance heroines). Eventually, they all wind up back in present day Texas, never do they go back to 1602 Scotland - quelle disappointment!

The ending was ridiculous too - the hero and heroine have a lovely wedding, but her best friend and matron of honor goes into labor and her water breaks right at the "kiss the bride" moment and delivers the baby right there in the church! I felt like throwing this book at the wall!

Do yourself a favor, don't read this book!



Riikka said...

Oh my. Your review had me laughing out loud! I can't imagine what Tess Mallory was thinking about when writing this book...

Julie said...

Thanks for commenting, so sorry I only saw your comment today (I just fixed my setting so I get email notifications). To say the least, this is the last book I'm ever reading by Tess Mallory!

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